Welcome Back

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Hello and welcome to A Newsletter! If you’ve found your way over by some miracle but are not yet subscribed, here, let me help you with that:

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Hello and welcome back (all of us) to this newsletter. I’ve spent too much time agonizing over how to “come back” after an unexpectedly early, abrupt departure. How much to share? How much to explain? The short of it: I had a baby, he was one month early, and though his entry into the world was dramatic and unexpected, we are healthy and he is devastatingly cute.

I’m impressed by people who feel inspired to share more during their postpartum time, but the whole experience has made me feel the opposite. Nothing has ever seemed more sacred, more worthy of protection. I personally have never felt more raw or sensitive, more susceptible to bursting into tears because someone thought I was going to poison my baby with a cactus (just kidding, you can’t get to me!). Simply put: I’m tired and sensitive (though these days, who among us, etc.).

That said, I want to keep writing, and the only thing I know, is to write about what I know. Of course, a commitment to authenticity is a blessing and a curse blah blah. When the job is to write recipes but “recipes” mean broth out of a mug, toasted english muffins with too much butter, pots of beans with miscellaneous old leftovers mixed in and crisping up your just-delivered pizza in a 450°F oven before eating it because no pizza delivery is ever crispy enough (good tip), there’s not much to write about. Though, if you want a recipe for broth out of a mug, I can help.

In addition to feeling a little, let’s call it… “unfocused” in the kitchen, my general lifestyle has recently been very breast-focused, milk-heavy and infant sleep cycle-obsessed. I spend a lot of time washing bottles and pump parts, unboxing packages full of things I forgot I ordered but swore I needed and staring at my baby’s perfect face then crying. I wear the same cardigan 6 days in a row (on the seventh day…we wash it). Taking a quick shower feels like a trip to the Wall Street Baths and going on a walk around the block to pick something up at CVS fills me with an inner-glow only previously achieved by an Italian vacation.

All to say I wasn’t sure how to write this newsletter with my “new lifestyle.” Instead of simply writing what I know, I became stunted by the fear of what would happen if I did. Would I alienate those without children? Upset those who heard the phrase “milk-heavy” in a newsletter that’s supposed to tell them what to make for dinner? In the past, I have (unsuccessfully) tried to separate “real life” from what I wrote about. For most of my pregnancy, I attempted to sideline that major plot-point as I negotiated with myself how to talk about it publicly and ended up feeling both unfulfilled as a writer and nervous that it was obvious I was faking…something. Anyway, I don’t want to do that here. Coming back from a little break with a renewed sense of “I don’t have the energy to care what anyone thinks,” seems like a good time to remind myself of that.

For those still planning on reading: I can't promise a phrase more upsetting than “milk-heavy” won't emerge in your inbox from time to time, but the good news is I do think I’m finally moving beyond toasted english muffins with too much butter. Tomorrow, the newsletter will be back with as much regularity as possible because I love writing it and honestly, I miss writing it. It’s about letting someone cook for you, a person with annoyingly particular taste, in your time of need. There is a pasta recipe. Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors in advance, and, if you see one: keep it to yourself!

Xoxo,

New mom